Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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