whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
