Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
