I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
