Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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