He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
