You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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