I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
