In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
