that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
