I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
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well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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