So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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