my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
