You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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