Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
