Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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