I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
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HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
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"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize