I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
