No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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