Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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