Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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