I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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