my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
