i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
