Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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