this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
