The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
