im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
