There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
