I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
