Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize