Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
