i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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