he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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