i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
