I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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