I got chris browned last night
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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