I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
