theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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