I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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