I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
