dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
