Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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