awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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