Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My feet surprised me
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