what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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