dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
