Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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