i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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