Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
