The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
