you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Someone came in the potted fern
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
