I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
my liver is dry heaving
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
