what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
