if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Found the puke drawer
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
