Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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