No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
