I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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