if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
