I can tuck mytits in my pants
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
