Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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