I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
