I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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