I'm really into asian looking animals
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
