it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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