Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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