you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
