Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
