i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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