I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
