im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
