I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
