EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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