There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
