Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
