HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
